Driving To Inverness
One misty Scottish morn a man was driving through the hills to Inverness.
Suddenly out of the mist, a huge red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is about six foot seven and built like a fucking tank. He has a huge red beard and despite the gale force wind and freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt and his tweed shirt. At the roadside there also stands a young woman. She is absolutely beautiful — slim, shapely, fair complexion……. heart stopping.
The car driver’s attention is dragged from the girl when the highlander opens his car door and drags him from the seat onto the road.
“Right, you” he shouts, “I want you to masturbate!”
“But……” stammers the driver.
“Now…or I’ll bloody kill you”. So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to masturbate. Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this only takes a few seconds.
“Right” shouts the highlander. “Do it again!” “But…..” says the driver. “Now…” he bellows. So the driver does it again. “Right do it again” demands the highlander. This goes on for nearly two hours. The driver has cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw, and despite the mist and wind, has collapsed in a sweating gibbering heap on the ground, unable to walk.
“Do it again” says the highlander. “I just can’t any more — you’ll just have to kill me,” whimpers the man.
The highlander looks down at the pathetic heap slumped on the roadside. “All right” he says, “NOW you can give my daughter a lift to Inverness.”
“Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.” — Francois, Duc de La Rochefoucauld