Old-Maid Sisters

There were 2 old-maid sisters… both virgins. It’s Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, “I’m not going to die a virgin… I’m going out and I’m not coming home ’till I’ve been laid!!” Betty says, “Well, make sure you’re home by 10 so I don’t worry about you.” 10 o’clock rolls around …

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Senior Citizen Pickup Lines

7> “What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like… where exactly are we again?” 6> “Do you smell that? That’s either love, or I used too much ointment this morning.” 5> “Yes, I’m 92… but I have the body of a 78-year-old.” 4> “WHO’S your grand daddy?” 3> “Your beautiful blue eyes …

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Thanks Very Much Father

The parish priest needs his house painted so he offers the job to one of his altar boys. The first day the kid paints the entire inside of the house, he’s sweating like hell but eventually gets it finished. The priest commends him on the work and with a flourish hands him $5. The boy …

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Idiot’s Guide To Sex

IN – OUT *Repeat as often as possible* A condominium is NOT the smallest size they make. If your wife tells you sex is a ‘pain in the ass,’ turn her over. A threesome does not mean letting the dog watch you use both hands. A porn shop will not give you money for your …

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Short Ones

My sister is asthmatic. Last week in the middle of an attack she got an obscene phone call. (pause) He said, “Did I call you or did you call me?” Define Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary! Why is being in the military like a blowjob? The closer you get …

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